one day i will be a better person

but that day is not today... granted i do strive everyday in thought to make a better person of myself and a better world of it all, but there is a part of me that realizes my own role in life is not the one on of change but instead that of support of change.
i am so set and regimented in my daily life and routines the idea o simple change, for the better or worse, scares me beyond inaction.  i am not really ok with this but it is what it is.
i tried with mhari to support her world changing ideals and in part adopted them as my own, playing the father figure role that she needed at the time but in the end she had to grow up from...
and with allison i once again was in a supporting mentor role but chose to let her go to grow (no matter that it is a decision that is still crushing me)
i know that i have chosen a profession that is very limited, but i try in the offing to make the kids i work with understand the lessons i have learned and to get them better and out as fast as i can.
i know that i will probably never get out of this lifestyle, but i want to use this medium to expand my brain through processed words and ideas.  i need to do this on a daily basis and i will from hence forth try to keep the juices flowing... much like i need to get my lazy ass off the couch when at home....
oh well

i love punching

there is something so cathartic about punching... not just working a punching bag or speed bag, but hauling off and punching a person or a car or a punchy thing.  sometimes it just helps the world...