one day i will be a better person

but that day is not today... granted i do strive everyday in thought to make a better person of myself and a better world of it all, but there is a part of me that realizes my own role in life is not the one on of change but instead that of support of change.
i am so set and regimented in my daily life and routines the idea o simple change, for the better or worse, scares me beyond inaction.  i am not really ok with this but it is what it is.
i tried with mhari to support her world changing ideals and in part adopted them as my own, playing the father figure role that she needed at the time but in the end she had to grow up from...
and with allison i once again was in a supporting mentor role but chose to let her go to grow (no matter that it is a decision that is still crushing me)
i know that i have chosen a profession that is very limited, but i try in the offing to make the kids i work with understand the lessons i have learned and to get them better and out as fast as i can.
i know that i will probably never get out of this lifestyle, but i want to use this medium to expand my brain through processed words and ideas.  i need to do this on a daily basis and i will from hence forth try to keep the juices flowing... much like i need to get my lazy ass off the couch when at home....
oh well

i love punching

there is something so cathartic about punching... not just working a punching bag or speed bag, but hauling off and punching a person or a car or a punchy thing.  sometimes it just helps the world...

as i fall off the wagon

my intent of this was to have a place to get the stuff out of me that i tend to lock away... i dont know why i stopped when i did but i do know that i have been bottling and bottling...
well i have more to say, but that will come later today

Imperfection Perfected

On Wednesday night a bad call was made in a baseball game... there are hundreds of bad (and good) calls made daily in my favorite sport, but this one cost a young man a chance to kiss the sky. As usual in this democratic country of going off half-cocked, armchair experts threw hands up in disbelief and called for heads to roll over something they hadn't cared about before.

Although I the initial call was completely egregious, for Selig to go back and use the "power of the commissioner's office" and change the call would have been a precedent setting mistake. Come late September what call does he make in a game where a controversial play decides a game between two teams in the playoff race?.. How do you tell a team that won a game on Tuesday to go up in the standings, that the "bang-bang" play of a runner stealing 3rd, or a runner was "out of the base path" ... it is all a nasty can of worms.
I pray this will open the eyes of other "baseball purist" (as myself) that there is a need for some form of limited instant replay (remember it took the Yankees get screwed on a homer to really get the ball rolling on the now instituted home-run replay rule)...

(it is funny to me that on the same evening this happens, my beloved Chicago Blackhawks were involved in a Stanley Cup final's game which saw two replays, one of which went back 2 minutes in game play to award a goal. 11 years ago the Stanley Cup was incorrectly decided on a goal scored that using replay today would have been disallowed... but that mistake allowed for today's rules)

Joyce's very sincere mea culpa and Galarraga's outward smile go a long way in making this okay for me, but I hope a ball from the game is signed by both and a plaque is put in Cooperstown explaining the moment that helps to digitalize America's Pastime.

the big rejection

a viral video from this past weekend going around that makes me cringe and laugh at the same time, but it does not make me feel bad for those involved for one single second.

the video is of a couple at a new york rangers hockey game. a couple is featured on the jumbo-tron with text asking if she will be his "blueshirt bride" (for those not in the know, the new york hockey rangers are often referred to as the blue shirts, and even more so the woman featured is even wearing a blue rangers jersey.) in response, the woman shakes her head and leaves seemingly without giving a definite answer. a scenario i have seen several times at sporting events, usually with a better reception. but i still think it is rather foolhardy to put your relationship in this perilous situation.

it was in the guys favor that she was there with him to support the team, even going as far as to both be wearing a jersey... for all i know she might have been more of a fan than he. but you have to to some major legwork to make sure that in your grab for "15 minutes" that the whole thing doesn't just make you both the butt of talk show jokes and also newly single.

he shoulda talked to some of her friends and gotten a covert answer to her thoughts on massive public proposals. this is all assuming that they had already been together for quite a while and discussed the thought of life together for the rest of their live, getting a good friend to bring up the subject of people proposing in public places or in front of crowds really could have saved some egg on the face. just because you think you know your mate, doesn't mean they haven't had special plans for what they have been dreaming of since childhood and not made a big deal of it.

i once had a guy approach me at the jewbilly and letting me know that he planned on proposing to his girlfriend that night. i asked why in my bar on a busy night and he told me that it was where they had first met and had their first date. i asked he was going to do this quietly in a corner or wanted the whole bar involved, he said whole bar (they were both theater nerds.) so come last call i gave a special call for quiet and gave the floor to the soon-to-be's. in my opinion since he had done his homework it all went off without a hitch and special drinks were handy for all of the friends to share the moment (i later offered the services of the bar for their wedding reception at cost if they wanted.)

i'm just sayin': if you are planning a moment that you want to last forever, make sure you set the deck as much as you can so when you look back it is not with tears of regret...

i killed the dream she dreamed

Susan Boyle is a fraud and not all that talented. I know I am in the minority as I am not at all impressed with "the never been kissed" singer's performance. And honestly calling it a performance is a bit of a stretch. I didn't mind it at first as I just thought it was one of those 15 minutes of fame that would pass, but several people at work who don't know much about musicals in general have come to me as the expert and been amazed at my differing opinion.

I was not expecting to see a Patti LuPone type rendition, the original as it was presented to me, but for this is a very special song and it needs to be sung as opposed to belted as ms Boyle did. I thought a much better song for her to do, if the insistence was to do a torch song from a well known musical, would have been "Don't cry for me Argentina" (also made famous by the superb talents of LuPone.) "Argentina", though a good song, does not carry the emotional range in its vocal part and inflection but more in the lyrics and to that end would have suited her.

I shouldn't complain about the typical sappiness of the production for a reality show, but this to me was a bit over the top. "never been kissed", the shoes, the drab dress, the standing ovations and peanut gallery commentary... and honestly why have the "virgin" sing a song about a whore who is dying...

Another problem I had with this was the way the audience embraced this French tale sung by a Scotswoman. Where is there sense of national pride. The kids in London should have booed her off stage.

oh well...

maybe Dr Emmit Brown was right

i have noticed the last few times as i was driving to work that no matter how early i think i am leaving, it seems the hands of the clock in my car move at their own rate independent of real time. and yes, my car is old enough to have an analog clock.

i have tried leaving as early as an hour before hand and as risky as 10 minutes til, but every time i seem to get rushing with less than 5 minutes to spare. i realize i am not the only person who has had to deal with traffic, but as a guy who has had a long affair with walking to work the whole concept of driving side streets to avoid rush hour is foreign to me.

oh crap gotta go gonna be barely on time...

I gonna take my ball and go home

I used to list this time of year as my favorite in all of the sports calender. There is so much fun stuff going on in every sport. In the NHL and NBA players start growing their playoff beards, in baseball players are through with their spring training hold-outs and sign multi-million dollar extensions to play a child's game, and best of all the commercials for "a tradition unlike any other" appear during CBS' coverage of march madness. March Madness that beautiful free-for-65 run of basketball coverage that realizes so many hopes and dashes so many dreams. As the game clock goes into slow motion and a desperation shot is hoisted, sports bars around the country draw silent for 8/10ths of a second before erupting with cheers of joy (and a round of shots) or the sobs of "alumni" garishly decked out in their schools colors (a round of shots to drown the sorrows). But wait the next game starts in 20 minutes...

Lately my joy has been tampered by the over abundance of free brackets and "your shot at march madness". I didn't mind when the bracket thing was a simply $5 pool that people did in their office or a the bar, you would see people with a crumpled piece of paper marking down results as the game ended and the next began laughing with friends "What was I thinking, everyone knows Syracuse chokes in odd years". Now it has become a multi-billion dollar industry, another American get rich quick scam. Every website offers cash and prizes for a your bracket and hell, you can join multiple times on most of them. The casual fan who can't tell you what state Gonzaga is in, how many teams are nicknamed Rebels, how to correctly spell Kryzewski these days will have a couple of brackets going and when the inevitable question goes up at a bar "Did you have that 5-12 upset?" it is now met with "Well in one of my brackets I did, but that is the one where I have UCLA in the Final Four"...

I am not saying I am better than these people. Being the fantasy sports gambling addict that I am, I have in the past had as many as 13 brackets going with more than $50 paid into the kitty. I have completed brackets on Disney's website before. I am a junkie. I used to fill out brackets on the women's tournament as well as the NIT. I can say that two years ago my bracket was #1 in the world going into the Final Four, I finished #1000+ which got me nothing.
I am the type of guy who does watch college basketball anyways, but I also "scout" college basketball for tourney time. But what good does my immense knowledge of teams, players, coaches and game trivia when betty over there made her picks based on team mascots and who would win in a fight? Com'on if a catamount got in a fight with a tarheel, Vermont better beat Carolina... and don't get me started about the jaspers vs the governors.

as usual I am not offering solutions here, the Mellow Mushroom offered a bracket to dining customer this year with a $10,000 grand prize and also local prizes... what is this world coming to... I was hoping that this economic down turn might curb corporate dollars for something as unpredictable and pure as the college athletics, but maybe I'll have to wait til next year for that one.

oh yeah Gonzaga is in Spokane, Washington. There are two Rebels (UNLV's Running Rebels, and my Ole Miss rebels.) And Krzyzewski is spelled with two 'z's a 'y' and a silent 'j'

cars hate me

i have borrowed my sister's extra car so i can try to be slightly more mobile in nashville... just my luck, as driving from cincy to nashville i experienced a problem with the idle screw causing the car to accelorate almost uncontrollably...

stopped in louisville to fix this. which turns out was really easy to do once the problem was explained to me. but there in creates the problem, if something is easy for me to fix it is conversely going to happen with great ease again. and it did just as i got to nashville...

then as i was leaving a job interview in murfreesboro, the car refused to maintain idle so i assumed that i had loosened the screw too much... nope i was just out of gas... oh yeah another quirk of this car is the gas needle jumps around at random (when i filled the tank up the needle read half full. shortly there after it went to the refill line and then to 3/4 full)... so i bought a gas can and put one gallon of gas in it, this cost $13!! man they had me over a barrel there (when i put the one gallon of gas in the car the needle red 1/2full)

well that seems to be the only problems i have with this car... oh yeah it cant go more than 65 mph on any hill and the radio cuts in and out with a loud buzzing no matter the volume level...
the price i pay to travel

my glorious return

so it seems i have been away from musing lately, even though i have had nothing but time on my hands and weird thoughts in my head... well i think it will be cathartic to mayhaps put them here...

just gotta figure out how to better use the mobile application of this site and then maybe i can make this funk leave me

a tree grows in brooklyn

on saturday as i was walking to the bar (margarita saturday lives), i noticed a guy stopped on my off-ramp and in the act of planting a seedling.  at first i was touched and hopeful that someone was taking the time out of their saturday morning to give something as important as new life back to the planet and in a place that is open and ready for erosion.  i even was tempted to go over and ask if he needed a hand or if he had more to plant elsewhere that he needed a hand with, but my tequila desires pushed me onward.

it didn't hit me for a few blocks, but why plant a sapling in november?  the poor fella hardly has a chance... as i was walking back home a couple of days later and 15 degrees cooler, i wanted to put a blanket around the lil guy.  alone in new surroundings with cold winds whipping at its few leaves and lifeless cars whizzing by... but alas... 

the importance of your name

a friend of mine stand accused of rape.  this is one of the most horrible things i consider possible because either my friend is guilty of ruining someone else's life, his family's well being and also a business; or someone has decided that she is more important than anybody else around her and can not only destroy the reputation and lives of good people, but also lessened the chance of someone who has gone through a horrific experience to come forward.

this is something that should not be taken lightly and i hope i don't come across as flippant or glib, i have an acquaintance who was accused of something like this in the early 90's by a girl who changed her mind afterwards.  it took him countless dollars and years of headaches trying to get people to give him a second chance at life even though he was never charged.  and though it is on no level near this, when i was accused of being a terrorist my face was plastered on newspapers and tv coverage around the world (this past spring the story was "re-visited" in newsweek). 

the worst part of being falsely accused for me was the possibility that the truth might not win out.  i had always been raised to tell the truth to the police when they ask questions, but i learned the hard way that it is not that simple.  as i faced the charges knowing that i was innocent, there was a part of me that realized a jury of my peers could be twisted into seeing things from a different perspective and convict me.  people rarely grasp that with a simple twist of fate though you did little wrong, you could be put into prison and even if it were just for 1 day that is one hell of a stigma to carry.

i hope and pray that the truth wins out in this case and that people find a way to piece their lives back together afterwards.

things i heard today on the price is right

people who know me know i am huge fan of the price is right.  and people wondered what whether or not i would continue my loyal viewership with the retiring of bob and drew being brought into the fold.  i will admit that initially i had my doubts, but i am starting to come around.

i will admit that i did not want to give drew a chance at first.    i was one of the nay-sayers who thought that without bob anything is bad.  which is just not fair to mr carey or the show.  true it will never be the same, but change is not always bad.  and so after some time watching and cringing as drew made puns and observations that fell flat on the audience, i started to not think of bob and his regal job hosting.  

drew made jokes about the absurdity of some of the prizes. the pairing of a trampoline with a years supply of donuts, his & hers watches and a popcorn trolley... it took a moment to catch on, but now he has branched his dry humor out and the staff is picking it up.  rich fields, the announcer who replaced the over flamboyant rod roddy, has gotten into the game with drew. during the showcase introductions lately there have been things like:

rich "drew, what looks good in your hands" 

drew "fried chicken!" 

rich "no, but how about this nintendo wii controller" 

rich "drew, what looks good in your kitchen" 

drew "fried chicken" 

rich "no, how about this new range"

rich "drew, what looks good on"

drew- cutting in "fried chicken, fried chicken, fried chicken!"

rich "oh well a new car"

the price is right has gone from being hosted by your favorite grandparent who is always looking out for your best interest to being hosted by your drunk uncle who likes to take poke fun at you behind your back and tell your friends you wet the bed...

today's showcase line 

rich "say laura (contestant) do you like french toast, french fries, kissing with your tongue how about a trip to france"

Gambling vs Playing the Market

i gamble.  i will bet on most anything.  i will play most games of change be they cards or dice.  i like to bet on the ponies, i like to have action on a couple games a night.  but i dont think i have a gambling problem.  i have never been in a situation where i could not pay my bills due to gambling.  

i have often thought about "investing" in the stock market, and have even gone as far as to seek advice of some seemingly competent traders.  but i have never had the nerve to actually take the plunge into the every changing world of wall street.  and people have chastised me for not making the "adult decision" of investing for my future.  well honestly i don't see why the stock market is the adult thing and gambling is irresponsible.  why does the government go after gambling but let the market go seemingly unregulated.

i think that if you are smart you can play the gambling angle and make a decent, though slightly under the table.  and i have proven to be that smart 4 days out of the week... its the other 3 that keep me round even on the year.  but at the same time the market moves just as staggered.  the current market crisis not withstanding, i am of the volition that it is more responsible to bet on say a football game than buy an amount of stock in say an air line (or you can insert what ever stock you choose.)

i maintain that in gambling you are making a simple one time investment per bet (or if you are using a more advanced if bets.)  once you place the bet you cannot stop it until the bet is over, win or lose.  if you win you may bet again or go out and buy some groceries, lose... well you lose.  but with stocks it seems to me that you watch your money grow and without any more input you can in a time in which you think your money is getting better and better it tanks and you now holding worthless paper.  it is just my opinion that i would rather make a decision on monday then on tuesday make another decision.  

oh well i am off to bet some more...

in defense of sarah

when you lose there must be a reason.  even if it is the loss of a shoe (the dog ate it), the loss of your homework (again that dog is hungry), the loss of a softball game (our star player got bit by a hungry dog), world war II (stupid french dogs getting help from the rest of the world), or a game of golden eye (no dogs you were just drunk)... there always seems to be a scapedog.  it is wrong for the republican higher-ups to make sarah palin the bitch in this election.  as a long time republican, i understand the desire to find a reason this election was lost.  but it rankles my skin to use palin as a pawn in this.

alot of my beliefs as a republican were reshaped by john mccain in the mid-90's.  i guess i am vacillating from federalist to libertarian, but the maverick wanted a change in the monies that seem to always taint politics and i am 110% behind that.  i have tried to vote for him in every election since '96 (i wrote him in for governor of MS).  granted the path he took during this presidential election pushed me away, i could not find support in what the other party offered and i hoped that if in office mccain might say "haha, tricked your punk ass Rush (Limbaugh).  now i am gonna go back to my roots."  but instead he "chose" a vice presidential running mate to appease the bible-belt.

i will gladly admit i had never heard of sarah palin until 12 hours before she was announced.  i do understand the political choice to temper the conservatives.  but what i dont understand and will not stand for as a republican second, but a human first is the party leadership throwing her under the bus!  it is completely asinine to me that someone would suggest the reason the election was lost was her being a "beauty queen contestant".  the same people who approved her vetting have now decided that it was her fault, not thiers, that she was not prepared for the role she was thrust into.

i have heard that she "didnt know africa was a continent not a country".  so what they are saying is that they okayed someone who doesnt have a simple 2nd grade knowledge of geography.  and then there's the "i can see russia from my back yard" comment.  i would wager a speech writer put that one out there and then it was okayed by at least 3 other people.  or the whole trooper-gate issue which she was cleared of and even still was something that should have been outed in the vetting process (how was her husband's 22 year old DUI a surprise?)

i understand that there are voters who were rubbed the wrong way by palin's evangelical background, but at the same time there were several republicans who embraced her as much s they shunned mccain.  but it is completely pure b.s. to lay this loss at her feet alone.  

welcome to me

this is just a quick header...

i used to keep a blog on myspace, but i fell away from that site due to several reasons (mainly the number of hot chicks who suddenly wanted to be my friend... but when i changed my pic and name to something a little ambiguous, they didn't come round no mo).

i do kinda miss having the area and audience with which to air my ramblings... thusly i am here...

i have know idea if i will follow through with this, if i can post from my "smart phone" the chances are much greater...

oh well here's to nothing